What my Ride or Die Friend Revealed that led to DIY Pride Events

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Before I reveal what my “Ride or Die” friend revealed to me that led to DIY Pride Events for us, let me first say this. If you don’t have any family members or friends who are members of the LGBTQ community, then take a moment to consider how you would react if one of your family members or close friends revealed to you that they were hiding their true identity from you their entire life because they were afraid that you would stop hanging out with them, stop loving them or no longer accept them for who they were born to be?

I never knew the awkward moment we would have. I remember it was Pride month when I had just finished enjoying a Spa Day Weekend with one of my girlfriends. We always made time for self-care at the Spa to de-stress from our busy lives.  This was the day she revealed something I never saw coming because she and I were so much alike. 

What she said I will never forget. She shared with me that she is a member of the LGBTQ community and said she always knew her whole life who she really was. It felt awkward as we stood there in the spa together because I did not want our friendship to get weird because of what she revealed. 

Although this took me by surprise, I was proud of her for trusting me enough to share this with me. At the moment, all I could do was be a good listener. So I listened to her.  I remember how she told me that for years she felt so alone at school during childhood and during her teenage years. But when she was a teenager she decided to tell her family the truth but they never accepted her. She said they even attempted to send her to therapy to see if they could fix what they felt was wrong with her. 

I told her there was nothing wrong with her. She said that some days she felt like life was not even worth living. I remember all I could do was be there for her. She said she decided to reveal the truth to me because she always knew I had a non-judgemental perspective and personality and she was not sure why she waited so long to tell me.

She said she trusts me because she knows I am not like some of her other friends she calls “frenemies”. I let her know that I will always be there for her and that I understand.

I am certain that if those other friends that she chose not to tell really knew about her true identity, they would have probably stopped going to the spa with her that very day and turned their backs on her. 

I decided right then and there that I would not turn my back on her even though I had always been straight and had always thought that she was straight like me. When I look back at our friendship, I remember her being a bit of a “Tom Boy” growing up but that was never a clue as to who she really was because there are lots of girls who are “Tom Boys” growing up including me. 

What’s so important is that we both stand for inclusiveness and diversity. This makes me remember when we were younger how we worked together on a school project on diversity.  We used a box of crayons as a prop in our presentation to demonstrate diversity and showed everyone how all the crayons got along with each other in the box even though they were all different.  

I thought this was a great way to show that whether we are straight, LGBTQ, or differently-abled, we can all be friends together.  I decided to continue being a real friend to her just like how we became friends back in school and sat at the lunch table together.

From that day forward, I let her know that she never has to ever feel that life is not worth living and that I would join her to attend and celebrate as many Pride Events as she wants and if she doesn’t want to deal with city traffic and the crowds then together we would plan some of our own DIY Pride Month Events with only friends that both of us agree to invite.

 I also suggested that she take care of her self-care and mental health as a top priority. I told her that if she ever wanted to talk to a counselor to help her deal with the rift in her family over who she really is, I could help find someone with expertise and support her. I empathized with her having to deal with the difficult issue of family estrangement over who she was born to be. 

I reminded her of the importance of loving herself the way she was born to be. 

 

I played Lady Gaga’s song on the stereo, “Born This Way”, and danced with her like we were the Ride or Die friends we always were.

 

I told her how important it is for her to feel safe and to take care of her health and wellness since not everyone would be as accepting of her living her life the way she was born to be just as her own family was not.

She said she knew. 

That’s when she pulled out her smartphone and said she had some statistics that pertained to the LGBTQ community that worries her and she wanted to show me. She could be a little quirky and nerdy sometimes with facts and statistics. 

I just kept on being a good listener. 

She showed me her phone and I read that-

 

According to the American government census website, “38.2%” of LGBT Census respondents experience depression more than half of the days of the week.” 

Another statistic she shared revealed crime against LGBTQ individuals.  According to UCLA School of Law Wiliams Institute, “LGBT people are nine times more likely than non-LGBT people to be victims of violent hate crimes.”

She talked about having some tough days and times and said she felt like a statistic. She said there were days when she felt like changing her hair color and everything about herself and hiding from the world.

I knew that LGBTQ students could experience depression and even discrimination or bullying at school but hearing statistics like these from my best friend who had now revealed to me that she was a member of the LGBTQ community really hit home for me. I knew I had to be there for her and to support her.

So I decided to be an even better friend by educating myself even more with valuable, helpful resources for the LGBTQ community that I could share with her. 

Later in the week, I began googling resources online and discovered the Trevor Project, an American non-profit that provides support and help to young people in the LGBTQ+ community. I realized my friend never had any support like this but it was still not too late for her to get help from organizations like this.

According to statistics from the 2024 Trevor Project’s U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ young people ages 13-24 across the United States, “there is a significant association between anti-LGBTQ+ victimization and high rates of suicide risks. Plus far too many young people struggle to access the mental health care they need.”

It was all a lot to process for me. 

Maybe all the research I started doing was my way of coping with what my best friend revealed to me that day because I just wanted to keep her safe and now I was concerned about her safety around people who would not accept her for who she was born to be. 

I figured I would get her a little gift to show her I still loved her just as she was born.

Since I knew she loved wearing Tommy Hilfiger outfits and loved anything with the Tommy Hilfiger logo, I surprised her with one of those cute, cozy Buffalo Plaid Tommy Hilfiger Sherpa  Throws. 

I said to her I hoped she knew nothing had changed between us and that our friendship was still Ride or Die.  I told her the blanket symbolizes people like me wrapping her with love. I also hoped the blanket would come in handy on the windy days we spend down the Jersey shore with a few select friends who ultimately pass the non-judgmental test and do not act like they were dressed and ready for an argument in court instead of accepting everyone for who they are.

That’s when I told my Ride or Die Friend that I know she loves Tommy Hilfiger clothes but that I also selected the Tommy Hilfiger gift for another reason. I explained that Tommy Hilfiger has a partnership with ILGA World which is a global federation with at least “1,995 members from 171 countries and territories campaigning for the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and intersex sex people” according to the Tommy Hilfiger website-

Visit https://usa.tommy.com/en/all-gender/pride  for more information on this. 

I did not stop there. I kept looking for as much information and facts that would be helpful as we moved forward with our friendship, however, I also realized that she would not want our friendship to change over what she revealed to me by me becoming like a “helicopter friend” a term I consider to be somewhat similar to the behavior of a  “helicopter Mom”.

She would often remind me that she considers herself a Boss Lady who knows how to take care of herself.

However, the facts on the risks to LGBTQ people are concerning. As her best friend, I felt we needed to stay on top of whatever we needed to know. I  even came across a current Global Security Alert Warning issued by the U.S. State Department that terrorists could target LGBTQ Events. 

Of course, we must take these warnings seriously and certainly be vigilant but we both agreed that we also cannot allow ourselves to become paralyzed with fear.  I am still celebrating Pride Month with my Ride or Die friend and a few other open-minded, non-judgmental friends I handpicked for her.

But knowing my friend the way I do, when it comes to celebrating Pride Month,  she won’t want to deal with all the crowds at all the different events taking place whether we celebrate on the East Coast or the West Coast. So, here’s what I plan to do. 

I will share my DIY Pride Month Events A-List with her and hope she approves. Plus I will let her know to let go of any worries.   Then we can celebrate not only Pride Month together but our Ride or Die Friendship.

Here it is. 

DIY Pride Month  Events A-List for A Ride or Die Friendship

– create my own DIY NYC Pride Fashion Show that rivals RuPaul’s Drag Race yet boasts the prom-like fashion & style of the Anti-Prom Show at the New York Public Library.

-create my own DIY Pride March where my friend gets to be an honorary Grand Marshall like the Pride March in New York City. 

-create my own DIY private Pridefest at a much smaller scale similar to the Pridefest  Annual Street Fair in the West Village in NYC. 

-create my own  DIY Bliss Day at a much smaller scale with an edgy Femme Fatale style similar to Bliss Day held in NYC where I honor my friend.

Of course, I may even have to hire a bouncer and monitor our guest list for any of these DIY Pride Month Events carefully by only inviting other like-minded friends who pass the non-judgmental test and can accept my friend for who she was born to be. 

#TommyHilfiger, #IGLA

#NYCFashionShow

#NYCPrideParade,

#NYCPrideFest

#NYCBlissDay, #WorldPride,#LAPrideFestivalParade 

For more information on the partnership between Tommy Hilfiger and IGLA campaigning for the rights of LGBTQ  people visit:

https://usa.tommy.com/en/all-gender/pride

For more information on LGBTQ mental health resources or the 2024 Trevor Project’s U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ young people ages 13-24 visit the Trevor Project website:

https://www.thetrevorproject.org

or for the research survey visit:

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2024/assets/static/TTP_2024_National_Survey.pdf

For more information on LGBT Census respondents  visit the website below  

https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2021/11/census-bureau-survey-explores-sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity.html

For Suicide Crisis & Prevention information visit the following websites
https://988lifeline.org/About

For information on violence and hate crimes against LGBTQ visit: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/lgbt-hate-crimes-press-release/

 

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